excerpt from my journal no. 34

Saturday, December 3, 2016

Hello ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my blog! I am currently lying in bed watching my best friend's hockey game on a live-stream and blowing my nose like a mad woman. Also, Happy December! It's officially Christmas, pretty much!

I am also brainstorming my dedication page (I'm dedicating it to my dog because he loves me lol) for my book and trying to figure out what I want Angela to say in the introduction. For any of you that don't know, Angela actually wrote the intro for Take Me With You. Fun fact of the day: Angela's intro makes me cry every time I read it! Okay back to what this post is actually about, journal excerpts. I am dumb and I have horrifyingly awful writer's block, so I am going to do my best.

11/21/16

Letter To My Grandmas In Heaven

Hi there!
It's that time of year again, where I miss you most. It's been a while since I've heard either of your voices. I miss the sporadic phone calls and sweet birthday cards. I miss family dinners. I miss breakfast at the Dearborn Inn. I miss escargot flying at the ceiling on Christmas. I miss beet soup. I miss "Weggie Tales" and your laughs. I miss not hating December 2nd and January 2nd, two of the worst days of my life.

Grammy, it's been 8 years since I last saw you. I still can't believe it. Sometimes I listen to your life story, just so I can hear your voice again. Sometimes I drive by your old home because maybe I'll feel your presence. Thank you for being such a faithful figure in my childhood. Hope you're happy in heaven, I'm so happy you're no longer paralyzed on one side of your body, happy you can walk again. I love you.

Nonni, were approaching 3 years this January and it still stings. I'm still in so much pain, but I'm glad you're not anymore. I'm sorry this family fell apart, I know it isn't what you wanted, but you were the glue. I used to listen to your old voicemails, but they somehow got deleted. I always hear your voice in my head, I play it over and over again. I never want to forget how you said, "I love you Aubrey." Sometimes I think I see you at the mall or the grocery store, sometimes I imagine it's actually you. I imagine that you kiss my forehead and tell me you love me. I wish cancer wasn't so cruel to you and I'm sorry it was. I always imagine you as your younger self, like in that picture of you in that pink dress. I imagine you have glittery pink angel wings. I hope you're cooking some good food for Jesus and I hope you met Elvis finally. I hope you're doing great. I love you.

I love you both with all my heart. Give my twin a hug for me. Tell him/her that I think about them all the time and that I love them. I'm so happy that you're both no longer sick and that you can both walk again. Tell Jesus "hey" for me. :) Also I'm living my dream, I hope I'm making you both proud! I love you. 

love, your granddaughter


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