Jesus talks/excerpt from my journal no. 31

Wednesday, October 26, 2016

hi everyone! hope your week has been wonderful!

So let's talk about Jesus!

At my home church, Northridge, we are all about waking the world up to Jesus and taking our next steps in our walk with God. I have never formally written a blog post about this before and I think that is my next step and I also think it's a great way to wake the world up to Jesus. I also decided to turn this post into a journal excerpt. That being said, let's have this talk.

I was 7 years old when I accepted Christ as my Savior for the first time, I didn't really know what that entailed. I was raised in the church, specifically a Bible church. My mom listened to Christian music, my dad spoke at our church some weekends, and my grammy read me Bible stories and always told me how much God loved me. Life was pretty great. 7 year old me thought that being saved meant that nothing bad could ever happen to me, but oh boy was I wrong. At 10 years old, disaster struck for the first time. I lost my beloved grammy to pancreatic cancer. I was so angry. I remember asking myself things like, "How could God do this to me?" and "God doesn't love me as much as I thought he did" and "Why would God take a lady who loved him so much in the way he did?" I remember falling away from God and not really saying my prayers or reading my Bible. I don't deal well with loss and I know that now. All of my anxiety revolves around loss and how I deal with it. Anyways, the next year disaster struck again. My Nonni was diagnosed with Lymphoma of the brain and oh boy was I angry. I would cry myself to sleep and scream at God in the shower. I yelled at him all the time, "Why do you hate me?" and "What did I ever do to deserve this?" and "Why do you want to take both of my grandmothers away from me?" 4 years went by of her going into remission and the cancer coming back and me breaking over and over again. My Nonni's cancer had become terminal and all treatment stopped and I just kept breaking. At some point in the beginning of my sophomore year of high school, I told my mom that I needed to go to church. I was so broken, I didn't think that anything could fix me. And I went back to church and all of Brad's talks were God's words to me. God was telling me that he put these walls in my life so that I would seek Him more, so that I would come back to him, so that he could fix me. I remember one night as I cried myself to sleep, I just prayed to Him. I renewed my faith in him and prayed, "Jesus, I can't do this without you. I need you to help me. I accept you as my Savior and as my Father. Please Lord, help me through this. Lord, I want to grow closer to you. Lord, please take away my sins and make me new again. Amen." A weight had instantly been taken away and I felt God's presence for first time in my life. I knew that he was there and I knew that he loved me so much. That winter was so hard for my family, but I knew God was there and I knew he was going to help me through it. January 1st came around, it was the last day that I saw my Nonni alive. And I prayed that night with my cousin that God would take away her pain and take her to his kingdom. That next morning, my Nonni took her last breath and I thanked God for helping her. As much as I was broken and destroyed beyond repair, I knew that God would fix me and he sure did. God uses broken people. God uses me everyday. As much as I miss my grandmas, I am thankful that God showed me who he was in the middle of all the pain. The summer of my junior year, at 17 years old, I was baptized for the first time in my life. I remember being submersed in the water and coming up with tears in my eyes. I was reborn in Christ, all my sins were washed away. I remembering the feeling of God's presence in that moment. I hugged the pastor that baptized me and walked out of that water as a new person. Jesus saved me. 

We all have a story, we are all broken people. It is okay to be broken and to be hurting because God is cheering you on, He is on your side. The good news is that God wants you in his kingdom, He sent His son to die on the cross for YOUR sin, God did that for YOU. That being said, stop worrying about tomorrow because God is going to handle it all for you, he's going to help you pull through!

I will be the first to admit that I struggle, walking with Jesus doesn't mean your life is always going to be easy. I struggle with stress and anxiety. I struggle with being lonely. I struggle with finding time to be alone with the Lord. I struggle just as much as you, but Jesus makes it a lot easier to get through my struggles. I have questions and thoughts, but I know that one day God will answer them.

If you want to have a talk about this, a real talk. Please add me on facebook, follow me on twitter, add me on snapchat (auburnrider206, I am also going to be posting random but relevant Bible verses, so that's another reason to add me). Literally add me anywhere! I don't need more followers or friends (but I want to be your friend so...), I want to have this conversation with YOU, Jesus wants you to have this conversation with someone.

"So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's troubles are enough for today." Matthew 6:34 

I love you and more importantly, Jesus loves you!

God bless,

so...i'm a writer

Saturday, October 22, 2016

hey guys, i hope everyone has had a great October! Can you believe it's almost over? I seriously can't believe it because that means that I am almost 19 (November 22nd!!!!), which is gross. I want to be 9 instead because 9 year olds don't have to worry about anything (#relatable). 

Anyways, ya'll know I'm a writer and if you didn't, you know now. So, I decided that I wanted to make my chaotic life even more chaotic by deciding to write another poetry book! Wow, now that's a huge announcement! But here's the thing, I need your help. I need ya'll to check out my poetry page and my journal excerpts, I need you all to react. I need comments and feedback because I don't even know what poems to put in this book!  Also, if you haven't read my first book, I would seriously love if you'd check it out. (if you live nearby, go to school with me, or know me personally, I will have a few books available for you to buy from me (I might even sign it), just holler at me.) 

That being said, this new book is going to be a whole new style, a whole new me. This book is going to be an adventure for me and hopefully for you. Unlike my last book, I will not be sharing any of the poems that will be in it until after it comes out. I am seriously so excited for this book to come out, and I hope you are too! I do not have a final release day yet because I don't even have enough poems written. As soon as I know a date you will too, you have my word!

Now please go back to your life, maybe take some time for yourself and write. Write about everything you experience, write from the heart! 

love you all very much!

xoxo, Aubs

doctor on campus

Tuesday, October 18, 2016

Hi guys!
I just wanted to take a moment to apologize for being very absent. College is definitely a big transition and it has brought out a lot of anxieties and things that I've kept bottled up for a while, so I haven't really had much time to do anything other than take care of myself. But I am back for now, and I will try to start posting more often. That being said, let's talk a little about taking care of yourself on campus.

I'm sure a lot of you are aware of all the businesses I ambassador for, but I don't think I've shared a lot about Maven. Maven is one of my favorite apps and businesses out there. Maven is a women's health care app, that is all video chat or messaging. It's pretty cheap compared to the co-pay most of us pay for a doctor's visit and it is also a lot easier than dragging yourself to a health center when you just want to lie in bed.

You can just about talk about anything with a practitioner, including allergies, cold and flu, period issues, mental health, and much more. I recently had a severe allergic reaction and I contacted Asefeh Faraz (a nurse practitioner) about it and got a lot of great advice from her. I also got in touch with a nutritionist, Vanessa Wissing, before attending college. Vanessa has really helped me eat healthy on campus! Yesterday was my first time using Maven for mental health purposes and I talked to Elyssa Kilman. Elyssa is great and really helped me deal with a lot of my anxiety, I will be continuing to talk to her throughout the year. There are many more great practitioners available! 

Now this is where I tell you that you can get a FREE appointment! Okay who doesn't love FREE things? I love FREE things! So to get this FREE appointment, you must download the Maven app and sign up for a new account. When signing up there should be a spot for a discount/promo code, to receive your FREE appointment just enter the code "GRANDVALLEYAS". That code will guarantee that you will talk to one practitioner for FREE!

If you are a student and you loved your FREE appointment you can use my Maven Campus subscription code to get as many appointment as you want for a month! Using my code for that will get you your first month for $25 instead of $45. I currently use Maven Campus because I don't always have time to go to the health center that is in Timbuktu. That code for Maven Campus is also "GRANDVALLEYAS". 

I hope you find the chance to try Maven for FREE and fall in love with it the way that I did! 

Thanks guys for putting up with me being absent frequently and just keep me in your prayers and I will keep you in mine!

xoxo, Aubs

excerpt from my journal no. 30

Sunday, October 9, 2016

Hey fellas! Again, I apologize for slacking lately! College is difficult and I also don't know what sleep or free time is so please forgive me!

Recently, I was reminded that I am a failure and that I am a broken person (I don't hate myself that much, I promise, it gets better). I've also been reminded that God only uses failures, so here is a poem about that!

my sophomore year of high school
i found God
i found Him in achy bones and ink stained fingertips
i found Him in late night sobs and screaming into my pillow
i found Him in grieving and trying to love again
i found Him in trust issues and fragile emotional stages
i found Him in brokenness beyond repair
God uses the broken, the hurt, the weary
God uses me. 

Yes God will use you if you've made mistakes, he will uses you if you're hurting, he will use you no matter what you've done. Please let him use you to change the world.

xoxo, Aubs

P.S. Have a good week! I'll be back when I have some time on my hands! 

You can find more journal excerpts here

Don't forget to catch up with me on my social media!

twitter: @aubreysanne
instagram: @aubs1997
snapchat: auburnrider206

Let's be friends ladies and gentlemen!